Me, the Runner?

How on earth did they manage to snap this photo

of me jogging at the beach? (a/k/a Abs I Want to Have)

My friend was predicting her oldest boy will excel at cross country when he tries out for the team at school this fall because he's good at math. I didn't have time to unscramble the logic before her husband practically shouted, "I hate running! We English majors [sweeping arm motion to include me in this] can't focus long enough to be any good at it."

It's true I have some rather flaky tendencies and my monkey mind is legendary for its skittishness. It's also true that until recently, I hated running too. Oh sure, I was built like a runner in my skinny days, only I smoked too many cigarettes for this to be a viable hobby. Even after I dropped the smokes and a host of other bad habits (a shitty marriage, self-loathing, and other tyrannies), and even after Black Hockey Jesus wrote this inspirational post about personal revolution and finding dignity under your extra layer of fat, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Until I did.

So now I am out there in Central Park trying to remember form and "progress not perfection." In the meantime, that's a lot of time spent in my tiny little mind, not always a safe place to be. Yesterday it occurred to me that that could be the root of my long-standing avoidance: time alone means getting awfully comfortable and intimate with those awfully uncomfortable feelings and truths about oneself. It's part of what makes meditation so hard.

But something grand has happened: this new motion has become a sweet moving meditation for me. I realized it yesterday (wouldn't Alpana be proud of me?!). The song "Two of Us" sung by Aimee Mann and Michael Penn came on the iPod as I plodded along, out of the shade and into some sunshine, which cast my shadow to my left. There we were: me and my shadow, feeling all right, and moving to a new beat of self-contentment.

I'm hoping you feel the same today....

(Sidebar: not sure what's up with the duck-themed home video; good old YouTube.)

Postcard from the Universe

photo source

Sometimes, a precious pearl of wisdom will appear when you most need it. The universe knows when you're not paying attention. This happened to me recently, when my friend Julie posted this:

"Some days the power of intention and of choice are so clear that I am left baffled by the individual's pure ability to create her own outcome. Do what you want, you own way."

Lest you think she's a petty dreamer, let me attest that the woman has designed her entire life around this principle. She has lived abroad for several years and has more pushpins than you can count in the global map tracking her travels. I think it's significant that she has a sparkling eye for photography as well: Julie is paying attention to the world, with gratitude, so beautiful things and moments present themselves to her. She captures them lovingly, and the resulting photos become little postcards from the universe to us: "Wish you were here!"

I confess I am baffled by my own capacity for living closed off to possibility, to dreams. Fear is a great influencer or can be. I sometimes think that the letting go of fear is one of the Big Lessons we're supposed to learn in this life. Poke around long enough in your tenderest places, the deep stores where we hoard our fears like precious treasures, and we can find actual terror at the prospect of letting them go. How strange.

The good news is that the heart resides in an even deeper place. And it's patient. It will wait for us to listen to our intuition, our passions, our calling. This is more than simple magical thinking, this is full on participation in life. With some courage and a stock of gratitude, unexpected possibilities will rise up, a new path beneath our feet. It's the road to your way.

Thank you for the reminder, Jules. xoxo

And you?

What does your postcard from the universe say?