The other day, I received two separate emails from my mother. One included the full text of the eulogy written by her sister-in-law, whose beloved dad recently passed away. The other said that a friend of my mom's from work asked if I knew "the gal who plays on 'Housewives'." Apparently, one of them went to my high school.
The first email contained loving rememberances of a man who had traveled expansively in the armed services, who had competed good-naturedly on game shows, and who possessed an unexpected gift for cake decorating. He was an actor and a singer. He loved all things French, his wife, and his children. And every aspect of his life was marked by his deep faith in God. He honored his God-given talents and lived life fully.
The second email included the Wikipedia entry for the Housewife in question. (This was handy information since I have never watched any of the Real Housewives reality shows; neither had my mother, so she Googled it.) Evidently, this lady is what they used to call a "kept woman," as her married boyfriend finances her extravagant lifestyle. She insists, "people say I'm a golddigger but they just want what I have."
Frankly, I don't really care if this woman wants to have a sugar daddy, and while I will admit that I would like to have her abs, I'm not sure I really need her life. Stills on the internet show her in one episode trying to light a cigarette on a stovetop griddle. I don't need that kind of aggro. I just was struck by the difference between the two profiles. I thought about what kind of legacy we will leave behind. What are are we capable of?
When Alpana passed, all the high school friends got together to celebrate her life (yes, Alpana was an alumna too, but we were all a few years ahead of the housewife, so I have no idea who she is from the teenage years). Our friend, AnnCarey, hauled out a scrap book she had kept with clippings, photos and other doodads from those days. In the records, we were geekily fabulous as most teenagers are even though we didn't appreciate it at the time. As we laughed and cried, we remembered individual stories about Alpana and especially her unique personality. We remembered her as bold, as fierce, as fabulous.
When the emails fly around about us - now or later - what will they say? Our mistakes are inevitable, but they don't have to be indelible. We can strive to understand our best selves and our talents. We can live with fearless compassion for who we are. Even if we watch reality TV, maybe we'll create things like a beautiful wedding cake or at least the memory of something beautiful with our personal stamp on it. All those memories will add up to a shining legacy.
And you? What will your legacy look like?
I don't remember the Housewife either. She certainly didn't make much of a musical impression if you don't remember her. Of course this news will "force" me to dig up her photo in the yearbook.
ReplyDeleteAlpana, on the other hand, I remember vividly. While she minght never be heralded by the likes of TMZ, she will always be a bright star in the sky of all who knew her.
Alpana will leave a far greater legacy than the woman whose name I've already forgotten.
"The housewife" was only at our school for one year, a freshman when we were seniors. Which means that, yes, she's in one of your yearbooks (if you still have them). I only became tangentially aware of her, myself, because that's the same class my darling wife was in, and she recognized her immediately during a commercial for the show.
ReplyDelete@Light and Sea - So true! Well said, as always!
ReplyDelete@Forrest - I'm amazed your sweet wife even recognized the housewife after all the work she has had done!